Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
