I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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