I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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