New invention idea: vibrating tampons
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You smell like stripper and shame
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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