a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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