I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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