you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
