Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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