he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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