i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
