I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize