yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
