so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
