Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
