I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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