I look better un-naked...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize