so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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