she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
