Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't make out with my wife yet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
