The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
