good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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