she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
