is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
