So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I deserve this hangover.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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