His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize