we're blogging at a bar
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
