My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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