So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
