So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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