3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
