I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
