I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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