Dude my mom stole all your condoms
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
