My liver just broke up with me...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
not ubering you a puppy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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