Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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