piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
