For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
