I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
