sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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