the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
