In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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