Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
