My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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