Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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