you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
