Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
