Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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