I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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