I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
