I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My feet surprised me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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