All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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