the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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