So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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