Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
