Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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