She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
