i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize