I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
