Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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