He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
