Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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