It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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