Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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