Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
