it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
