She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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