WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
