my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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