So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
