I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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