I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just invented taco cereal.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
