i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
