apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
