I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
