Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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