I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
