walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
